THE BACK STORY
So…most of you reading this know that I’ve had a mini crush on a guy that lives in my building. To me, this really isn’t a crush, because I think he likes me back so…let’s call it a mutual affection. Anywho, while I was doing laundry – looking cute just in case I saw him, turns out someone else was crushing on me and waiting for his chance to catch ME in the elevator and get to know me.
I’ve seen him around several times and it always seemed like he wanted to say something to me, he was always smiling at me. I thought he was weird, turns out he was just French. After putting my clothes in the dryer, I was cornered by my secret admirer in the elevator. He spoke about how hot it was, said he’s seen me around, asked me my name, if I lived by myself and if he could call me later.
Wow. He’s actually pretty gorgeous. He’s French (Mother) and West African (Father from Ivory Coast). Very tall, statuesque with curly hair, big muscles, freckles and a beautiful French accent. Couldn’t believe he’s been scoping me out for the past 5 months and waiting for the chance to get to know me, especially because he acted like a straight HOE on our date. SMFH!
I agreed to meet him for happy hour down the street. During our date, he complimented me on how gorgeous he thought I was and talked about waiting for his chance to get to know me. We also talked about the many differences between African men and African American women, with the most poignant point being Aggressiveness. He said that most African men find African American women beautiful but their problem is that they are too aggressive for African American women, thus turning them off and ruining their chances… You’d think his ass would’ve taken notes!
THE GIST OF IT
Can someone please tell me why this fool thought I was gonna drop it like its hot on our first date!?! Word?! That’s how they do things in France?
I decided to go to his apartment after our date to drink wine thinking that we were going to continue our intellectual conversation. Nope. I was wrong. A cheap glass of wine (why is this French Negro drinking shitty wine and he’s from France?) and a card game was his set up to “get the drawz dawg”. We started playing this game, where if he wins, he can tell me what to do – if I win, the exact opposite. Needless to say, after the first time he won and he started grinding on me calling it “dancing” – I won every game after that!
Frustrated from losing, he changed the rules. We started playing “Truth or Dare” (my suggestion so I can pick only truths). He starts asking me all of these sexual questions. THEN changes the game so that I could only pick dares…I guess he thought I was a Freshman in college…cuz this bullshit right here…
First Dare, let me kiss you. I don’t kiss on the first date but I knew where this was headed so I said ‘ok’ to get it over with quickly, just a peck though so he could leave me the hell alone. How are you tryna kiss somebody with rotten ass breath? I barely opened my mouth for the 4 seconds that I let him peck me (I ran upstairs and wiped my lips with alcohol in hopes that I didn’t catch anything that required a co-pay in the future).
After being annoyed with his frat boy fuckery, I asked him “how long do you usually wait to have sex with a woman?” Do you know this guy said “well in France sometimes the same day but I can wait up to a week.” WHAT THA F*CK!?! A WEEK!? They must not have STD’s in France!
LONG STORY SHORT
I got the hell up out of there!!! I was absolutely DISGUSTED! You wait 5 months for the chance to get me alone and this is how you act!?! #thewackness. He tried to walk me up to my apartment but I stopped him at the elevator on his floor and haven’t talked to him since! Now I clutch my pearls every time the elevator stops on the 5th floor…
Where is my AMERICAN 11th floor elevator ‘future’ boo!?! French must be French for “let’s get naked.” SMH…