Hey Dudes –
I know it’s been a minute but I’ve been grinding. Sigh…the life of a corporate professional. I was able to pimp some shit at work and got them to fly in a project manager from India to help me with my workload cuz your girl was drowning. I’d literally be at dinner dates with my girls typing up reports and what not…
Anyway, last weekend I went to NYC to party it up for my homie’s birthday. We went to this brunch spot, bottomless Mimosa’s, a DJ playing, then a backroom with no windows and neon lights, it was literally a club. I even had a little gay moment. I kissed a girl on the cheek…and she kissed me back…to me that’s a gay moment…I need to get dicked down soon…sigh…but that’s not what this post is about.
My married homie, who I went to visit, gave me some excellent advice. We were walking to the restaurant and I said to her, “you know, all of these people are coupled up and married. Why can’t find that? Where’s my soulmate?’ She said “it’s not really about dating and trying to find your soulmate but finding your best friend. That’s who your soulmate will be. That’s who you’ll be the happiest with.”
You know, all of this time, I’ve been looking for someone to date who had all of the attributes I wanted. A man who was generous, thoughtful, ambitious and a man with vision…but I never once stopped to think about how well I would get along with that man. Now this is not to say that I still don’t want those things in a man, BUT I think my biggest problem has been approaching dating from a very functional perspective. He’s got what I want, he’s good on paper, ok let’s do this. Never really thought about being “friends” with the person first.
I always used “friend” in lieu of the title that I never got because me an those jerks never made it that far. Looking back, the main reason why my “friendships” ended was because I would get frustrated that it didn’t materialize into a relationship as quickly as I wanted and then I would start acting out, cussing and fussing. I mean you like me, I like you…so what the fuck is the problem? Then I would start to realize that they’re straight up jerks. They may have been nice to other people but they weren’t nice to my ass. Now I’m realizing that it was because we weren’t friends. We were just lovers. There was no intimacy outside of what we did beneath the sheets. They didn’t know me and I didn’t really know them. I mean of course we talked first…but they didn’t really have any interest in me other than the unspoken rules of engagement involved in such “situation-ships”. You know how it goes….meet up for a date, we talk about our days, work, blah blah, fuck and that’s it. All to do it all over again the following week. We were interacting with variations of ourselves…if that makes any sense to you…I mean…they met “date” Tiffany.
I’ve been doing it wrong.
I need to date someone that is my friend. Someone I can actually get along with. Someone that actually acts like they give a fuck about what’s going on with me on days that we aren’t fucking. Someone I can ask for advice and consult with on decisions…someone nice enough to help me put that big ass Monistat 1 egg up my coochie whenever I get a yeast infection…(that shit was the struggle last week.)
Of the folks that I dated over the past couple of years, only one even bothered to read this blog, encouraged all the “extra” shit I’m trying to accomplish outside of working for tha man…and has taken a genuine interest in ME. After talking to my homie, I had to revisit that situation with said dude.
I need to find someone I can eventually fall in love with cuz this single shit is for the birds. It’s becoming the struggle personified. Having to do everything by myself sucks. I don’t even have anyone around to give me a hug when I need one….
And on that note. I’m out. Have a date to get ready for and errands to run.
Till next time –