My, What a Hairy Vagina You Have…
So I was watching that new tv show Blood, Sweat and Tears and one of the ladies, who is NOT sexually active, goes to get a Brazilian Bikini wax (for what?). Let me explain a Brazilian Bikini Wax for those that don’t know what that is. Basically, you lay on a massage table, BUSS IT WIDE OPEN, and some chick waxes THE SHIT out of your coochie till is bald and bright red….
Wish tha fuck I would…
Short Story – I once dated a guy who requested that my hot pocket be bald and bare. Being young and dumb, I decided one day to go out, buy a pack of razors, some shaving cream and get ‘er done…BIG MISTAKE. Other than being so accommodating to a douchebag, my biggest mistake was not Google(ing) the proper way to “shave”…How ’bout I thought I was Picasso creating art and just started shaving in all sorts of directions…Needless to say, I will NEVER do that bullshit again! EVER! Not for me, and damn sure not for anyone else. I couldn’t walk for an entire WEEK!
…back to my original post…
What is it that makes women go through so much pain just to appease men!? They (men) don’t do that shit!! They come over, take their shoes and socks off, feet look like f*cking monkey feet. Foot fungus (whole ‘nother story), long crazy ass, yellow toenails and all! And don’t get me started with the twig and berries…You think they even attempt to shave that shit? NO!! Then get all in their feelings when you don’t want to take a fantastic voyage to the land of smothered, sweaty balls. FOH!! Mofo’s got more hair down there than a Virgin Brazilian Remi Hair sweat shop! Argh!!!!
I WISH I WOULD suffer through another shaving debacle OR bussing it wide open for a perfect stranger just so she could rip my hair follicles out by the root. Damn that!…the most you’ll get out ya’ girl is a low cut Caesar…Now I’m not saying walk around looking like Big Foot and shit but there needs to be some limits! I don’t think walking around so bare that every PORE on your vagina is showcased is all that attractive either.
After that traumatic incident that had me walking sideways for a week, slathering my hot pocket with Vaseline and numbing it with ice….I’ve decided to live by this motto:
If he can’t appreciate the mysticism of my enchanted forest, then he has no business trying to walking through it.