I was watching Married to Medicine yesterday and I was ANNOYED with Mariah’s behavior towards her former friend Quad. Long story short, this chick is mad because her friend is getting a little fame to her name. Basically, Mariah’s mad because Quad isn’t shining in her shadow anymore.
Boy do I know all about this!! Over the past couple of years I had to cut quite a few of my friends off! For some reason, I can stand up to most people, but when it comes to my friends, I’m a WUSS!!! I get taken advantage of, don’t say anything, get all passive aggressive, then either 1. Blow up like a like volcano in an epic rage or 2. Cut that bitch off without an explanation. I don’t like communicating my feelings (unless it is anger – NOT hurt though) so if I have to tell you that you’re fucking up as a friend more than once. It’s a wrap. When I start to recognize a pattern of behavior, I gots to roll!!
So here’s my personal list of BITCHES that you need to stop fucking with PRONTO!
The Insecure/Jealous friend
This is the friend that is likely very close to you. She knows all of your business, ya’ll are tight like that…but secretly she envies you. There’s something she sees in you and admires. YOU may not even see it, but she does, and she wishes she could have it. It could be your talent, looks, intelligence, relationship, hell your damn aura! You’d be surprised by the silly things people envy you over!
Quick example: I had a college roommate who was the world’s BIGGEST WHORE. This smut actually had sex with a married man in the church basement. That’s how much of a whore this trash bag was. No one was off limits. She’d probably screw your dad while your mom was finishing up dinner. Anyway, being a PYT in college, I had my pick of guys! How about, every guy that showed the slightest interest in me, she SCREWED, literally the next day. One guy she was screwing even asked her if it would be ok to still pursue dating me anyway since they were only fucking. BAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! That must’ve hurt that ego something serious.
Her screwing those men didn’t have anything to do with sex, but more-so about trying to ruin any potential relationship I could have because she was jealous of the attention I was receiving. Not to mention the fact that I had people seriously interested in dating me as opposing to just smashing me. These particular friends are very difficult to spot at first because they are very passive-aggressive, but true to form, they reveal themselves by establishing a pattern of trying to rain on your parade. Don’t they know that won’t bring them sunny days? Poor little tink tink…
The Master Manipulator
This friend is the friend that is always manipulating you to do what’s best for THEM. They sense a little bit of weakness in you and they take advantage of that shit to the fullest. They are very duplicitous. Got ya doing things that you wouldn’t do for anyone else and then use their friendship with you as leverage to guilt you into doing it. I once had a friend get me to not only design things for her for free BUT her friends as well! These friends are usually very self absorbed people as well. They could give TWO fucks about you, only about what you can do for them. You start to spot these friends when your friendship begins to feel like a second job and that you are more of an employee than a friend. RUN!
The Bitch that Blocks Your Shine
These broads are very similar to the insecure friend mentioned above except they can’t let you be great. EVER…at least not greater than them. They’re cool with you being successful and all that BUT they can’t stand the thought of someone mentioning your name before theirs. These chicks have what I call, “side-kick syndrome”. They want you to be Robin to their Batman. But fuck that! What if I want to be Superman…or Captain America…or Iron Man!!!! I was born to be GREAT not to be your lackey! These friends pretend to be supportive because they have no problem with you shining, that is, as long as it’s in their shadow. I personally, can not be friends with anyone that sees me as their competition. That can get pretty stressful, pretty fast!
The NEEDY Friend
This is the friend that feels the need to fucking monopolize all of your time and resources – like you don’t have SHIT to do outside of your friendship with them!! As someone who is very independent, I can’t stand needy ass people! Can’t you do some shit for yourself!?! I DON’T HAVE ANY CHILDREN so a grown ass adult expecting me to take care of them gets under my skin something serious! Friends are there to help, but when you need too much help, that’s being manipulative. The manipulative friend and the needy friend parallel. The difference, the needy friend is just a pain in the ass, the manipulative friend could fuck up your life.
The Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You Friend
This “friend” sucks! They only call you when THEY need something or when THEY want to hang out. You call them, they’re unavailable. Now what kind of shit is that!?! Fuck those people. Those aren’t friends. Those are ASSOCIATES. Friends have a mutual understanding – I’m there for you, you’re there for me. Easy concept. Unfortunately, for these selfish ass type of friends, this is a concept that they can’t seem to grasp.
This is pretty much the Needy Friend and the Manipulative friend combined, except, I don’t think these friends are selfish. Oh they can be pretty shady, but not necessarily a shady friend. These people have so much shit going on in their personal life or lack there of, that they distract you from achieving your goals and doing what you need to do for yourself. They also usually turn out to be negative influences, getting you caught up in all their nonsense. If you’re not careful, these people can also fuck up your life! Cut your losses and keep it moving!
A little harsh but yeah…these are people that are pretty much not going to be any more than they are right now IN LIFE. They are perfectly comfortable being sub-par. They are un-motivated to do SHIT with their lives. Now, if you’re smart like me, you won’t necessarily have to “quit” them. You just need to understand that your life is NOT their life. Meaning, they are not someone you should consider measuring yourself up to. They are not the standard of success that you should be striving towards…A family member asked me why he couldn’t seem to have the life he wanted in terms of success. I told him it’s because of the people he hangs around. They’re just barely getting by so what you think you’re doing is good enough. While I don’t compete with my friends, I like to surround myself with successful people so that I know what success looks like and to know that it is achievable. It also gives me something to aspire to. It motivates me. If you know better, you’ll do better. Let that bumb live their life on the couch while you pass them by!
These bitches…Now usually, what people do in their bedrooms doesn’t have shit to do with me…that is until it negatively affects people’s perception of ME. People judge you by the company you keep…and with these bitches keeping all sorts of company, YOU may feel the fall out from that…ANOTHER whore of a roommate of mine in college was such a slut, people started thinking I was a SLUT too. Oh no, no, no!!!!!!!!!! Luckily, a male friend of mine set the record straight! The general perception of whores is that they are irresponsible, dishonest and have very low moral character…don’t let their reputation, be yours!
The SELFISH/SELF CENTERED Friend
Anybody that knows me will tell you that I HATE selfish people. This one is pretty damn self explanatory. This SHITTY friend’s description pretty much over-laps MOST of the crappy friends on this list. If you find yourself giving more in your friendship than the other person, FUCK THEM!!!!! I can be a petty ass piece of shit sometimes because I am an incredible friend. I will go above and beyond for a friend, almost to my own detriment. So believe me when I say, I tally off every instance of when I’ve done something for you and when I needed it, you couldn’t return the favor. FUCK YOU shitty friend (I’m angry just thinking about it) If this friend had a whole pocket full of fucks, they wouldn’t give you ONE. That’s how shitteriffic this shitty piece of shit is. I won’t waste my time giving you examples because I have way too many, and I’m sure we ALL know a selfish friend or two. What I will say is that this is probably THE WORST friend of all. There is nothing worse than someone constantly taking from you and not giving anything back in the relationship because they feel that they are ENTITLED to all that you do for them. One thing I’ve learned from dealing with these types of people (mostly my Gemini friends – yes, that was shade, BASK IN IT) is that PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE. If that is their character, that is their character! All they can do is TRY their best to modify their behavior. If you have a friend that doesn’t think that you are worth the effort of being a better friend to you. FUCK THEM! Kick that ass to the curb!
Ok, I’m exhausted! I didn’t know that this post was going to be so freaking long BUT I’ve had some pretty shitty friends…so whatevs!
In the immortal words of K-Camp, which are so dear to my heart – “It ain’t NOTHING to cut that bitch off!
Till next time –